Ten Things Times Two

By Cornelia

Ten Things I Hate

1. Durian


File this under "Never Eat Anything Bigger Than Your Head." World's smelliest fruit. Like, so smelly you're not allowed to bring it into taxis or hotel rooms in most Asian countries.

And seriously, doesn't it look like something that would attack Sigourney Weaver in space? Why would you eat that? We make Intrepid Spouse consume it outdoors. Preferably in the rain.

2. The Smarmy Child-Molester Way That Televangelists Smile.



Even when they're dead. (Thought I pity the cat.)

3. Zamfir...

...And "Spa Music" generally. Reminds me of being forced to listen to WPAT ("Beautiful Music for Beautiful People") in the back of my Grandparents' Lincoln, as a kid.


4. Palmetto Bugs


Your basic flying durian.

5. That Hotel Skank Who Shall Here Remain Unnamed.


Never thought I'd miss Cornelia Guest. Enough said.

6. Movies With Roman Numerals in the Title

If it feels like you should microwave it before you watch it, it never should have been greenlighted.

7. Captain Beefheart

Ewwwww.

8. Kissinger


Yes, still.

9. Robert Moses


The guy who destroyed the South Bronx, drove the Dodgers and Giants out of New York, and whose underlings boasted they could keep African-Americans out of public swimming pools by "keeping the water too cold." But most of all, the guy who got Penn Station torn down.

I mean, who in their right mind would sacrifice this:



and this:


for this:



What a maroon.

10. Creationists

William Jennings Bryant: what a baboon.

Ten Things I Don't Hate

1. H.L. Mencken



"I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them."

"It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry."

2. Roz Chast Cartoons


3. Todd Snider


For writing the following lyrics:

Conservative Christian, right wing Republican, straight, white, American males,
Soul savin’, flag wavin’, Rush lovin’, land pavin’ personal
friends to the Quayles.
Quite diligently workin’ so hard to keep the free reins of this De-mo-cracy
From tree huggin’, peace lovin’, pot smokin’, barefootin’ folk-singin’ hippies like me.
Tree huggin’, peace lovin’, pot smokin’, porn watchin’ lazyass hippies like me.

4. The Idea of Hillary in the Whitehouse



Because nothing would tick off your average conservative Christian right-wing Republican more, and I totally love that.

5. Raclette


Because nothing says "Winter" like hot cheese.

Except latkes

But do yourself a favor and don't have them at the same meal.

6. Barbara Stanwyck


I just saw Double Indemnity again for the first time in years. The woman rocks.

7. Gustavian furniture


Kicks mid-century butt.


8. The Royal Tenenbaums

Watched it tonight on DVD. Exquisite. Like a Franny and Zooey visual cocktail.


9. Sally Mann's Photographs



10. Money



I finally got my advance check, and Wells Fargo finally took the hold off it. As Sophie Tucker used to say, "I been rich, and I been poor, and rich is better."

"Rich" is of course relative, but let's put it this way: I gave a buck to a homeless guy a couple of months ago, and he had a cellphone and I didn't. So at this point I been down so long it looks like up to me.

And as my sister Freya once said, "better nouveau riche than no riche at all."

Unless you're a Hilton.


What are you guys hating and not hating, at the moment?