Holiday Tips

Patty here…

On Saturday, as I decorated the house for Christmas, my mind turned to thoughts of holiday tipping. I know how much to tip at restaurants, because I worked as a waitress at the Burien Black Angus when the uniform was still a circular brown skirt that barely covered my ass. Beyond that, the etiquette waters turn murky. For example, how much does one tip the maid and the gardener? I'll admit that my tipping education is sorely lacking. My family didn’t have maids or gardeners. When our house got cleaned, my mother did it. When the grass got ankle deep, my father mowed it…or not.

Some people go on a tipping frenzy during the holidays. I know because I see them running into the street at o’dark thirty to slip the garbage man an Andrew Jackson or two. In the past, I wouldn't have considered doing such a thing for many reasons, the first of which is this: I’ve never met my garbage guy. He arrives when I’m still in bed, dreaming up murder plots. So, how would I know if the person accepting my twenty-dollar bills is MY rubbish picker-upper or just somebody filling in for the day? I do give Christmas money to the British lad who cleans my house once a week, but I have never given holiday greenbacks to my hairdresser, because I tip him generously all during the year.

I began to worry that I was just ignorant of social norms, or even worse, a total cheapskate. To assuage my anxiety, I went looking for answers at the Emily Post Institute, where I found a guide to holiday tipping for 2007:

The holiday season is the traditional time to say “thank you” and “I appreciate the work you do” to those who have provided service to you throughout the year. Don’t forget that one of the best ways to express your appreciation is a hand-written note, which should accompany any holiday tip.

Whether and how much to tip varies widely, depending on:

* the quality and frequency of the service
* your relationship with the service provider
* where you live (amounts are usually higher in large cities)
* the frequency of the service or how long you have worked together
* your budget
* regional customs
* the type of establishment: deluxe vs. moderate

If you regularly tip at the time of service, you may forgo or give a more modest holiday tip. Try to include your child in gift decisions for teachers, day care providers, nannies, and babysitters.

Every situation is different, so let common sense, specific circumstances, and holiday spirit be your guides. The tip amounts in this chart are merely guidelines. What to give is always an individual decision.

Au pair: A gift from your family (or one-week’s pay), plus a small gift from your child

Babysitter, regular: One evening’s pay, plus a small gift from your child

Barber: Cost of one haircut or a gift

Beauty salon staff: The cost of one salon visit, split among the staff

Child’s teacher: Check your school’s policy first, as gift giving may be prohibited. If allowed, then give a gift that is a token of appreciation from your child, not cash. Possibilities: a homemade gift made by your child, a book or a picture frame. Or, consider participating in a joint gift from the class as a whole. Possibilities: a gift certificate to a restaurant or bookstore.

Day care providers: $25 to $70 each, plus a small gift from your child for the providers who give direct care to your child(ren)

Dog walker: One week’s pay or a gift

Fitness trainer, personal: Up to the cost of one session

Garage attendants: $10 to $30 each

Home health employees: A gift, but check with the agency first, as most agencies have a no gifts or no tips policy. If this is the case, consider giving a donation to the agency.

Housekeeper/cleaner: Up to one week’s pay or a gift

Letter carriers: U.S. government regulations permit carriers to accept gifts worth up to $20 per occasion, not cash

Live-in help (Nanny, Housekeeper, Cook, Butler): One week’s to one month’s salary based on tenure and customs in your area, plus a personal gift

Massage therapist: Up to one session’s fee or a gift

Newspaper deliverer: $10 to $30

Nurse, private: A gift, not cash

Nursing home employees: A gift, not cash, but check the company policy first. Consider giving a gift that could be enjoyed by or shared among the floor staff: flowers, chocolates or food items.

Package deliverer: A small gift if you receive deliveries regularly; most delivery companies discourage or prohibit cash gifts

Personal caregiver: Up to one week’s salary or a small gift

Pet Groomer: If the same person grooms your pet all year, up to one session’s fee or a gift

Pool cleaner: Cost of one cleaning, to be split among crew

Residential building personnel: Check with your building association first to see if there is a holiday fund that is shared among all the building personnel

Superintendent: $20 to $80

Doorman: $15 to $80; $15 or more each, for multiple doormen

Elevator operator: $15 to $40

Handyman: $15 to $40

Trash/recycling collectors: $10 to $30 each (for private service); for municipal service, check local regulations

Yard and garden worker: $20 to $50

Tipping all those people takes a lot of bread. I needed a flip side, so I consulted Miss Manners. Judith Martin, author of Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, Freshly Updated, maintains that tipping in general is a "silly system." I sort of agree with her. Still, the to-tip-or-not-to-tip question has put me in a state of holiday ennui. Maybe I'll just pour myself some eggnog and check the balance in my savings account.

Happy Holiday Tipping to You and Yours!