I got back to L.A. late last night from Anchorage, Alaska where I attended Bouchercon, the World Mystery Convention (more on this when I have time to catch my breath). As usual, the life of the con was in the bar. Apparently when crime writers aren't pounding out novels, they like to drink. Who knew?
As I sat there in the hotel cocktail lounge challenging my liver function, I began to wonder about pick-up lines.
A bad pick up line can be deadly. Remember that old Bic lighter commercial where the guy comes on to a woman in a bar? She ignites the flame on her lighter and says: “By the flick of my Bic I see you’re a hick.”
Ouch!
I used this one in my first novel. “You must be a traffic ticket because you have ‘fine’ written all over you.”
In the seventies “What’s your sign?” became a cliché for the decade.
So if you were trying to pick up a writer in a bar, what line would you use?
Happy Monday!
The best line to pick up a writer:
ReplyDelete"I'm an editor over at ..."
At a party in New York once I wrote the name Bill Morrow on my name tag and was amazed at how many people asked me if I was William Morrow. Of course my answer was "No, he's my dad."
Jim
How big's your advance?
ReplyDeleteOh, God, that was terrible, but what do you expect first thing in the morning, Patty?
Great to have you back in town, Patty - seems like I missed a good Bouchercon. By the way, I was watching a movie with Natasha Richardson last night, and thought there was more than a striking resemblance between the two of you ... (and that was not one of my suggestions for a pick-up line, but be prepared, someone might use it one day).
"Can I buy you a drink?
ReplyDeleteGuaranteed to make a lifelong friend of said writer.
"Pardon me, but your rejection slip is showing."
ReplyDeleteNah. How about Pepe Le Pew's great line, which must be delivered in a faux French accent:
"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"
Go-Lo...hope you had a terrific time in the Great Far North...trust that you didn't have any UPSETS the way several "people" did this last Saturday.
ReplyDeleteAs for the "pickup" lines...this is suitable from or to an author:
Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going..
Or for the Dark and Stormy crowd:
Would you like Gin and platonic or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
For those with Jim Born's sentiments: Inheriting eighty- million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
And this one ALWAYS works:
You like a hooker I knew in Fresno.
Glad you're back!
Jon
Gee, you guys are kinda scary.
ReplyDeleteThis particular writer, in this particular bar, on this particular day?
ReplyDeleteHow about...
Man (solemnly regarding rich blond hair, sparkling eyes and brilliant smile):
"So you can see the Northern Lights at this time of year!"
Or...
"Goodness, not all of Alaska's great natural beauty is outdoors."
And, just in case you're groaning too much:
"Is that a pen in your pocket, or...?"
"You'd look great in one of my novels: if I ever get around to writing about sexy goddesses (gods)"...
ReplyDeleteJon: That was a great one. :-D
Jeff: you're an old smoothy.
Patty: Glad you're back, lady. I'm back too!! :-D
Cheers
Marianne
Ha! Just what I needed, sparks of creative genius, especially since I spent the day at the Superior Court in downtown L.A. on JURY DUTY. Bleech!
ReplyDeleteMarianne!!!!! So glad you're back. Hope you had a wonderful time.
Natasha Richardson. Wow, thanks, Our J. Somebody once told me I looked like David Cassidy. I don't know how they expected to get my room key with a line like that.
I still like, "Want a Walnetto?"
ReplyDeleteIn my red suit, "Wanna sit on my lap, little girl?" but only if you're 18+!
<]:-D}}}
Omigod! I had my first Walnetto at Bcon. What DOES it mean?
ReplyDeleteDo you believe in the hereafter? Then you know what I'm here after.
ReplyDeleteAh yes, nothing like the classics.
But seriously folks, I think an effective pickup line would be, "I read your most recent book and I enjoyed it very much."
It would work on me. Well, so would Louise's "Can I buy you a drink."
Um, how 'bout
ReplyDelete"When they didn't give you the Pulitzer last year, you were robbed."
Andi (who so does NOT want to hear about the BAR in Anchorage. It's a LONG story.)