On December 29, 2013, the Los Angeles Times featured an op-ed piece by Simon Garfield titled: “A Love Letter to the Love Letter,” in which the author extolled letter writing with pen and paper over texts, tweets, Facebook postings and other quick-and-dirty communications preferred these days.
When I was young, my mother encouraged me (okay, forced me) to write thank-you letters for gifts I’d received. When I got older and moved away from home, she and I regularly exchanged letters. I have kept many of her letters, which convey newsy information written in her careful handwriting.
Letter writing is a lovely idea. Years ago, a friend and I decided to resurrect the personal letter by limiting our communication exclusively to handwritten snail-mail. We didn’t get very far with that and I’ve since lost touch with her. I haven’t ditched the personal letter idea entirely. The hostess of a dinner party I’ve attended still receives a handwritten thank you note from me, but most of my correspondence has drifted into the electronic category.
When my mother died, she left a box of letters written to her by my dad when he was in the Army during WWII. They were newlyweds, so I suppose you could classify them as love letters. I can’t say because I have never read them. To do so seems like an invasion of her privacy.
Many of the letters are stamped with “Passed by U.S. Army Examiner,” and include a number of the examiner who cleared them for mailing. Some letters are V-mail (short for Victory Mail, a concept we borrowed from the Brits), carried in small brown envelopes (4.75” x 3.75”) that sport this return address:
WAR & NAVY DEPARTMENT
V--Mail Services
__________
official business
Also included in the box with the letters is a War Department booklet dated August 1945 titled GOING BACK TO CIVILIAN LIFE, a rosary, a Childs Prayerbook: Instructions and Prayers for Catholic Children and a small spiral notebook in my dad's handwriting that he must have carried with him. It includes a list of items in his dufflebag and other cryptic notes I find intriguing.
I always knew the letters were in my mother's possession. She occasionally talked about them and once told me that censors had redacted parts of some correspondence when my dad had inadvertently revealed too much information about where he was at the time. When my dad died, she talked about burning the letters, but she never did, nor did she instruct me to do so for her.
The letters are part of history, but what place should they hold? I feel as if I’m caught in a Bridges of Madison County moment. What should I do with them? Shred? Read?
No handwritten responses required.
HAPPY MONDAY!
Read them! My parents met and courted by mail while my dad was in the Navy in the 50s. After they married, they burned the letters, saying that it was private between them. I understand that thinking, but gosh, I sure wish I could have read them! And I admire your restraint. I couldn't do it. To learn about my parents at that time of their lives would have been so cool. My dad's view of the world from an aircraft carrier and my high school-aged mom. But I hear their stories now, though they're edited from a distance of 50+ years. Now, if it turns out that there really ARE letters in the safe deposit box, only to be revealed after my parents are gone, you can bet yer bippy I'll read them!
ReplyDeleteThe amateur detective in me is itching to open them. My dad probably wouldn't care but my mother's reaction might be a different story.
DeleteOf course, you must read them! My mother showed me letters Dad wrote from WWII, but she covered over the sexy parts!
ReplyDeleteWhere are those letters now???!!!
DeleteThe requirement to teach handwriting has been removed from the public school curriculum, which is a very bad idea for numerous reasons. The Campaign for Cursive (www.cursiveiscool.com) is working to change it. If you're interested, we'd love your help--any of you!
DeleteSheila, my mom used that old-fashioned small r, not the boxy one I was taught in school but she had very neat penmanship. It's a lost art.
DeleteOne more vote for reading them. Your mother didn't destroy them for a reason. There may be some historical value there as well, if so there are plenty of places that would love to have them.
ReplyDeleteI'm also intrigued by my dad's handwritten notebook. He was in an artillery unit, and some of the entries look like info on guns.
DeleteRight now, I'm looking at a box of letters my mother kept. They are the letters I wrote home while serving in the Navy during the Korean conflict. I'm keeping 'em safe. You should too. Family connection, historical connection, emotional links. Hell yea.
ReplyDeleteCarl, a friend of mine kept the witty correspondence between he and his mother when he was a college student traveling in Europe. Later, he published them to share with family members. I always thought that was a great idea.
DeleteI completely understand your reluctance. I like to think that my wishes will be honored when I am gone--at least by those who are my near and dear. And yet, there is a point at which all of us belong to the ages.
ReplyDeleteCaroline Kennedy made the decisions to publish those audiotapes of Schlesinger's interviews with Jackie in their entirety for that reason, despite the fact that there are places where Jackie sounds snarky and distinctly un-feminist. Caroline cited her debt to history as informing the decision.
That was gutsy of Caroline. I come from a family that saves stuff. Not valuable stuff. Just sentimental stuff. It would be really hard for me to shred the letters. I'm guessing that's what my mother would want, although she never said so. She had a lot of other instructions for me that I carried out to the letter. Same for my dad. I don't have the same debt to history that Caroline had but something to consider.
DeleteA time capsule?
DeleteOHHHH! What an excellent idea!
DeletePatty, how could you NOT read them? If your mother did not throw them out, they are meant for you to read. I wish I had something like this. I would love to learn of my parents' romantic beginnings.
ReplyDeletefrom Jacqueline
ReplyDeleteI spend a lot of time in the archive of the Imperial War Museum in London - yes, they have all sorts of military documents, and books etc pertaining to a time of war, however, the core of their archive is the letters collection. Over the decades since 1917, when the museum was founded, people have discovered collections of letters (for example, after someone has passed) and donated them to the museum to contribute to our understanding of war and what experiences ordinary people have in such a time. Each donation - perhaps of letters, diaries and other materials - is catalogued and stored, and people like me can call them up and read them and it adds to the stories we tell, whether we are working on nonfiction or fiction. I have learned so much from the letters of ordinary people - some of them a bit personal, but one treats them with respect and comes to the work with some humility. I am sure there is a similar museum that would love to have your collection - in time, when it feels right. Or there may be a story there for you. Or I might come to you about the idea I have up my sleeve .... But what a lovely thing for you to have - do not ever, ever destroy these things, Patty.
I do so agree with Jacqueline...your family letters are part of history. The fact that they are personal to your family does not make them any less so, though they are not articles from, to or about a famous person. What is important is that you do keep them, whether or not you read them. Offer them to your state archives or similar organization who will preserve and protect them. I have letters from my great grandfather which he wrote during the Battle of Chancellorsville, in the Civil War. Those are treasures indeed, for me, and since I have no family to appreciate them, they are going to a museum. Best to you in your decision.
DeleteRead them. I have "found" my parents in reading their wartime correspondence, before and after marriage. They lived out what I later read, but it was so profoundly moving to be in their lifestream just before I was born.
ReplyDeleteThanks to all of you for your wonderful advice. I will keep the letters but may not read them just yet.
ReplyDeleteNo matter what DON NOT SHRED
ReplyDeleteJim Born