Get real: Jon Gosselin and the Balloon Boy

Patty here…

Eight is Enough

I don’t watch much TV and can’t remember how I stumbled upon the TLC show Jon and Kate Plus Eight. I do remember that after watching the eight Gosselin toddlers frolic around the room like puppies in a cardboard box all I could think about Jon and Kate was better them than me. The noise! The laundry!

Along with other viewers, I chuckled at the candid moments all parents experience when their child says something precious. For example, during dinner the kids were discussing the fact that they were part Asian. In a confidential moment with her blond-haired, blue-eyed mother, one of the little girls whispered, “We’re the only ones who’re Asian.” Sweet.



Then Jon woke up one morning and realized his window of opportunity for attracting hot chicks was closing. He wanted to be Peter Pan, not a husband with a testy wife or a father to a gaggle of rug-rats.

Now Jon and Kate are divorcing.

If you believe the tabloids, Jon has a girlfriend he says he loves but even so, he continues serial cheating, including a fling with three Las Vegas showgirls. (More issues with multiples). I guess he thinks his sexual escapades may position him for a spin-off show of his very own.



Mud is slinging. When TLC dropped Jon’s name from the title of the show, he had it taken off the air “for the good of his children.” TLC countered by filing suit for breach of contract. In a recent interview, Jon speculated about his future now that the show is over and the cash has stopped flowing. He said he planned to stay in television.

When I heard that I slapped my palm to my forehead and thought, Jon, Jon, Jon, I have only two words for you—Joey Buttafuoco.

Nobody wants to watch a chubby ex computer guy lock lips with the wild child whose father performed his soon-to-be ex-wife’s tummy tuck. Viewers watch the show because of the dynamic of those eight puppies and two exhausted parents waxing poetic about the trials and tribulations of raising all those kids.

Another What were they thinking? moment

If Jon and Kate weren’t enough to raise my blood pressure, enter the balloon boy. Richard and Mayumi Heene are parents of three young boys who chase tornadoes and hurricanes with their kids. They are also wannabe reality TV stars, having appeared twice on “Wife Swap,” and unsuccessfully pitched a reality TV show of their own.

Then one day they build a hot-air balloon shaped like a silver space ship. It escapes its tether. They call the police to report that their six-year old son Falcon is trapped inside the balloon. All hell breaks loose. The balloon sails for 50 miles, shutting down flights at Denver International Airport, leading the Air National Guard to mobilize. Then a shadowy blob appears to fall from the sky and the world collectively moans, The balloon boy is dead!

But wait! As it turns out, Falcon is not in the balloon at all but hiding in a room above the garage. Everybody breathes a big whew, until CNN’s Wolf Blitzer conducts an interview with Falcon. When asked why he didn’t come out of his hiding place when he knew people were calling to him, he turns to his father and says, “You said we did this for a show.”

Oops.

Now the parents are facing felony conspiracy charges and could be sentenced up to six years in jail and a $500,000 fine. They may also be charged for the costs of the rescue attempt. Worse yet, they could lose custody of their children.



If you ask me, realty TV is out of control. I’m tired of real people acting like knuckleheads. The next thing you know, somebody will make me watch Tom Delay do the lambada on Dancing with the Stars.




Happy Monday!

Congratulations to our very own James O. Born!

His short story “The Drought,” from the anthology The Blue Religion, edited by Michael Connelly, won the Barry Award for Best Short Story. Jim received the award this past weekend at Bouchercon, a mystery convention held in Indianapolis, Indiana.