Models, Strippers, Porn Stars Endorse Dave Barry for President. (So Who'd You Expect? Mike Huckabee.)

By Paul

Political pundits have been caught off-guard by Dave Barry's surge in the public opinion polls in Chattsworth, CA. In case you didn't know, that burg is the home of America's porn industry, where thousands of adult videos are shot.

Dave's star status came to light at Erotica L.A., sort of the Super Bowl of porn. On Sunday, after a luncheon meeting of the Mystery Writers of America, we headed over to the Erotica Show. (Didn't everyone?) Our little party included the lovely Renee and our friend Ted Habte-Gabr, who also serves as Dave's national campaign chairman.

Perhaps Dave's popularity should not come as a shock. He has an honest message for the voters: "It's Time We Demanded Less." He has a clearly stated platform and always answers questions directly.

Q: Dave, a lot of people are concerned about "No Child Left Behind." Where do you stand?
Ryan, La Grande, OR

A: I agree that no child should be left behind, except in the case of certain airplane flights.

Still, we were surprised, upon walking into the L.A. Convention Center, to see Dave's presence virtually everywhere.MANY YOUNG WOMEN SAID THEY WOULD FOREGO ATTEMPTING TO MODEL THEIR LIVES AFTER PARIS HILTON TO SUPPORT DAVE.
"WE'LL VOTE FOR DAVE, AS SOON AS WE LEARN TO READ!"

TED HABTE-GABR GETS A WHIFF OF THE MOLTEN CHOCOLATE PENISES BEING MADE BY THIS TALENTED ARTISAN.

NO, IT'S NOT RUDY GIULIANI IN DRAG. JUST ANOTHER DAVE BARRY SUPPORTER, CHEST-OUT PROUD.

Clearly, the person who deserves the most credit for drumming up support for Dave is the lovely Renee. When she can't get cooperation from potential voters, well, she just takes things into her own hands. Here she is discussing the risk of inflation with Porn Star Jack Lawrence whose business card actually reads: "Don't let my big penis scare you. I'm actually a really nice guy." [While that may sound original, I think it was Bill Clinton's unofficial campaign slogan. Take note, Dave.]
Nice Guy Jack says he's one of the stars of "Desperate House Whores," "Hairy Girls," and "We Be Lez." But you probably knew that.

Jack spent the entire afternoon inviting female patrons to fondle a life-size silicone model of his penis dangling from his pants. Did Renee take him up on the invitation? Only the guy who cropped the picture knows for sure.
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IT'S SUMMER, AND THE ROSES ARE BLOOMING
Our intellectually challenged dog Nikki helps out in the garden by fertilizing.
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WHY ARE THESE MEN LAUGHING?

COMRADES IN ARMS (Left to Right) Bill Bryan, your naked scribbler Paul, John Schulian, and Ed Zuckerman, pictured here at Sunday's luncheon of the Mystery Writers of America, SoCal Chapter. We schmoozed with folks about the perils and rewards of working as writer/producers in network television.

Bill Bryan, whose first novel is the critically acclaimed Hollywood satire, "Keep It Real," is a comedy veteran, having written for "Coach," among many other shows. John Schulian, a famed sportswriter, has written for "Miami Vice," "Wiseguy," and "JAG" and co-created "Xena: Warrior Princess." Ed Zuckerman, a non-fiction author, won two Edgar awards for his "Law & Order" scripts. After a several year hiatus creating or running other shows, Ed is back on the original "Law & Order," now in its 117th year on television. Together, these guys have a ton of war stories and solid advice for entry level writers in the business. My own advice is much simpler: "Marry a blood relative of Les Moonves."

Many thanks to chapter poohbahs Les Klinger ("The New Annotated Sherlock Holmes") and our own Patty Smiley for putting the event together.

Paul