QUICK Sergei, Hide the Arugula!

PART THE FIRST

By Cornelia Read

I greatly admire people who are lifelong political activists, especially when they dedicate themselves to changing the world in terms of a single specific wavelength. I don't have the stamina, or the moral fiber, or the whatever, to keep up a head of steam for that long.



As I said in the comments trail of last week's post on the possible connection between the mercury-based preservative thimerosal and the huge spike in the population of kids with autism:

God, this is all making me want to grind my teeth down to stubs, you know? I don't think I'd make a very good full-time activist for ANYTHING--I start thinking about it all and I get so wound up that I want to invade dinner parties around Berkeley and start lecturing people.



Kind of scary, really. "Look out! It's Autism-is-Caused-By-the-Government Lady!! QUICK, Sergei, hide the arugula!!"



I'm much more suited to writing mysteries--I get to pick some total bad guys, show them LOOKING like total bad guys, and then shoot their heads off and/or blow them up in helicopters. If I didn't have fiction, I'd probably turn into Ted Kaczynski.

And it was no doubt celestial serendipity that I went to the Northern California Mystery Writers of America luncheon last Saturday at San Francisco's John's Grill (dining home of Sam Spade, complete with a replica Maltese Falcon, if lacking a replica Bogart)


to hear former FBI Agent Donald Max Noel describe the Federal Government's near-20-year odyssey of tracking down the man they called "Unabom," because I was on the verge of becoming a tree-sitting delusional anarchist myself, by noon Saturday.



Seriously--I indulged in an hour-long Anti-Julie-Gerberding rant at my sister's house Wednesday night, lectured two very nice women on the board of a local shelter over coffee about same yesterday morning,




then talked with my writing buddy Kira for another half hour just now, and traded emails with about two hundred pretty intense people on both sides of the debate in the meantime.



A week of that has nearly convinced me I'm the long lost secret twin of these guys:




Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the Brothers Freak, but it takes a lot of dedication to live the Fabulous Furry lifestyle, full time, you know? Either that or a lot of pharmaceutical-grade cocaine, and/or uppers generally.



I think I'm more in need of some mental floss:


With several of these as a chaser--served "filthy," à la Joshilyn Jackson:



Or, hell, even this:


Ideally drunk from a chilled and frosted one of these:

I am deeply honored that so many people took an interest in my "A Shot in the Dark" post last week. It was reproduced on Kim Stagliano's blog, the Age of Autism website, and linked to from several dozen other blogs--including our pal Fran's-- and parenting forums around the world.



So far, the post has received nigh on 10,000 hits, and 130 people have left comments here on Naked Authors--leading to a pretty lively back-blog debate--with many more opining offsite.



When you write a blog, you get comfortable with the idea that only your regular commenters bother reading it, with the occasional stray few hundred people in Bahrain and Saudia Arabia and Dubai dropping in after misguided searches for naked stewardesses/sixteen-year-old girls/ stepmothers/high schools/bunnies.



Last week proved me wrong on that, and it's very moving to know that a lot of people thought I did some good, putting together the questions about the possible derivation of autism that most haunt me, as a parent.



That being said, I literally am not able to continue blogging on the topic of autism every week. I just can't think about it that much, you know?



It's exhausting enough trying to keep an eye on my daughter--who had a merry time crushing CDs



and taking a spatula to the living room wall tongue-and-groove paneling



and decomposing two chairs



and shaking my last eightball of Chanel loose face powder out onto the floor


and pouring the shampoo



and soy sauce



down the kitchen sink



and attempting to crack two legs off the dining-room table


and melting the soles of her sneakers into the heating grate



while I was fielding emails and trying to be an artist and stuff.



She's a great kid, but she is also the lightning rod for entropy in the universe...


... but hey, it's not like we're being strafed by Jap Zeros in a rice-paddy in Biafra, or anything.


We have much to be grateful for.

And with that parting thought, please keep in mind that April is--contrary to T.S. Eliot, and most alliteratively besides--Autism Awareness Month.



I hope the debate and the conversation and the research forge on, throughout this month and long after.

For parents concerned about the effect of the current CDC-recommended vaccination schedule on their infants and young children, here's an excellent resource with a lot of good information and links.

So, Crazy Autism-is-Caused-by-the-Government Lady would like to thank you all...


... each and every one--for your concern and your passion and your open-mindedness.

Peace out, and pass the arugula