Annoying Celebrities

from James

I’ve written a few columns on what good people writers are. How much I like most people in the publishing industry. I have even written, and I believe, that most people are basically good. But there are a few who annoy me. Usually for no real reason. Certainly for nothing they’ve ever done to me personally because I’ve never met anyone on this list. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want to smack them. Not hard, just enough to get them to shut up. Maybe knock out a tooth or two. Break a nose or an orbital socket. You know, mar their looks and ego more than anything else.

Let’s see, who would make this list in no particular order, to go with the no particular reason they’re on this list.

John Mayer. Maybe it’s his lyrics. Maybe it’s his easy-going style and good looks. More likely it’s the rumor that he hooked up with Jessica Simpson. But this guy’s voice causes me to have convulsions. And the words to his hit about daughters growing up to be lovers and mothers kinda gives me the creeps.

Keith Olbermann. This pseudo-journalist, he is too opinionated to be a journalist, seems to have forgotten that he was an ESPN sportscaster. He was a sports guy! Who gives a damn what he thinks about anything other than baseball or basketball. Has he ever been to Iraq? The other anchors all have. He was sports guy. (This was written before I knew he had so many fans on this blog. I'm sorry, he still annoys me.)

Courtney Love. I don’t know why she’s famous other than marrying well. I’ve heard her band, Hole, and think she’s lucky she has back-up income. But the reason she annoys me is that she seems to be always on some sort of narcotic. That doesn’t bother me as much as she appears to be proud of it and most important: She has children. Where is the state on this issue?

Bill O’Reilly. I get it, you hate spin. How about talk? You don’t seem to let others do much of it on your show. Now one reason I’m not over blustery on Mr. O’Reilly is that he’s like 6’5” and I’m a little scared. Other than that he’s an ass. I guess you can tell I boycott a lot of 8:00 pm TV.

Bryant Gumble. See Keith Olbermann.

Arrianna Huffington. Is she conservative? Liberal? Who cares? She’s rich and thinks people should listen to her. She gives me a headache. What has she done to deserve that kind of attention?

Nick Nolte. He’s mainly on the list because of the cool booking photo from a drunk driving arrest. But he also turned his back in protest when Elia Kazan received his lifetime achievement award. I understand the resentment people feel for someone who identified communists during the McCarthy era but this jerk actually thinks he would’ve been tough enough to stand up to the pressure of the federal government. I doubt it. Now, fifty odd years later, he thinks he looks cool protesting a 94 year old man. This obnoxious hypocrite can kiss my ass. Excuse me, that’s rude.

Paris Hilton. Too easy.

I want to hear from people who have done something. Been in the military. Lived in Arab countries. Risked their lives for others. I don’t want to hear from people because they have money or are attractive. (Insert your favorite Jeff Shelby joke here)

The idea that the model, Petra Nemcova, who happened to be caught in the tsunami of 2005, feels she should write about her experience upsets me. There were hundreds of thousands of people caught in that tragedy. Are you telling me because she’s cute she should be the one that documents the event?

You get the drift. What celebrity annoys you?

NOW TO COUNTER THIS NEGATIVE KARMA

I honestly don't like writing somethingg negative like this. But I do like mentioning good books.

This Saturday, in New York, our own Paul Levine's fabulous Deep Blue Alibi will be considered as the best paperback thriller of the year. He has my heartiest good wishes.

Good luck Paul!!!