All The News That's Fit to Blog

From Paul

Lately, our posts have brimmed with gravitas, angst, and pessimism. Politics, war, the human condition, even the disappearing newspaper book sections. Honestly, it could make you scream.



I'd like to lighten up today.

I'm looking for good news.

Short sentences.

Noun, verb, object. Boy meets girl. Man bites dog. I like "The Simpsons."

Now in its 18th season, "The Simpsons" recently broadcast its 400th episode. Four hundred! That's good news. Especially for Matt ("Richer than Croesus and a Great Guy, Too") Groening. College courses are devoted to the philosophical questions raised by the show, and not just whether Homer should eat all the doughnuts. It's smart and funny and laced with social commentary. Long may it live. ("The Simpsons" feature film is due in July).
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MORE GOOD NEWS. PARIS HILTON WILL DO JAIL TIME

Paris Hilton will spend about three weeks in jail. We here at Naked Scribblers absolutely, positively refuse to post any pictures of Ms. Hilton. However, cartoons are permissible. Here's how Newsday's Pulitzer prize-winning Walt Handelsman sees it.
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GOOD NEWS THAT SEEMS REALLY BAD AT FIRST

A 17-year-old male student at the ritzy Harvard-Westlake School here in Studio City allegedly hit a female classmate 40 times with a claw hammer, breaking her nose, shattering her leg, and splitting open her scalp.

Are you nuts, Paul? How could that be good news?

Let me explain, chronologically.

The boy and girl take an Advanced Placement exam. The boy drives the girl to a nearby Jamba Juice for a snack.

(He drives her in his Jaguar. For now, I'll refrain from commenting on parents who buy their brats Mercedes, BMW's, and Jaguars, which daily clog Coldwater Canyon in front of the school).

The boy parks the Jaguar on a side street, says he's going to kill himself and take someone with him. He reaches into his backpack...

Now, if you didn't already know what happened, you'd think: HE'S PULLING OUT A HANDGUN. Right?

But he doesn't t have a gun. His parents -- both Beverly Hills physicians -- apparently don't own a gun. So he grabs the hammer. Okay, he inflicts some damage, but according to The Los Angeles Times, the girl is getting out of the hospital and hoping to attend her prom.

So the GOOD NEWS is that the nutty kid (now confined to a psychiatric facility) didn't have access to a gun. Otherwise, there might be two dead teens.
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UPDATE FROM MOJITO-VILLE

The national drink of Miami is the mojito, the Cuban cocktail. (I say "national" drink, inasmuch as Miami is a foreign country). As regular readers know, I am an aficionado of the drink, made with light rum, fresh lime, squeezed sugar cane, club soda, and fresh mint leaves.
Now, my Miami friends say, "Move Over Mojito." The Caipirinha has come to town. It's pronounced kai-pur-een-ya, which sounds like something Al Gore would try to dance to. The Caipirinha is made with an aged Brazilian rum called Cachaca, mixed with various fruits (strawberry or blackberry puree seems popular), and no mint. It sounds heavier and not nearly as refreshing as a mojito, but I will report back to you after further research and investigation.

And that's the news from Lake Hollywood, where all the women are Botoxed, all the men are in meetings, and all the children are in therapy.

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Paul