Welcome, Special Agent James O. Born

By Paul

Jim Born is baring all. Stated another way, he's joining Naked Authors. Look for his first post on Thursday.

Since I've known Jim longer than the rest of the team, I've been chosen to introduce him. A cop for 20 years, Jim is a "Special Agent" with the FDLE, though I don't know what makes him so damn special.

(And no, Patty, the FDLE is not the "Florida Department of Lingerie Enthusiasts." It's the Florida Department of Law Enforcement).

Jim is also the acclaimed author of "Walking Money," "Shock Wave" and "Escape Clause." His much anticipated (by his creditors) "Field of Fire" will be on the shelves in about two weeks. Jim has a big national tour on tap, and I'm sure he'll be flogging and blogging the hell out of it shortly. Jim's work has often been compared to that of cop-turned-novelist Joseph Wambaugh. I'm not saying Jim's books have been compared favorably, but still...

Ah, but I jest. Joe Wambaugh says, "Jim Born really knows his cops and their turf." And blood-and-guts wordmeister Ken Bruen, who even eats his rice pudding hard-boiled, says "James O. Born is the future of crime fiction."

Jim is a resident of Palm Beach County, Florida and a family man with the requisite wife and two children. If you are unlucky enough to land on his e-mail list, you'll receive numerous mundane photos of their summer vacations. Here are some photos Jim won't send you.

First, a young Jim guards a massive load of pot. (News Update: the 50 missing kilos may have set back Jim's law enforcement career, but did not derail it.)



















Next, a more mature Jim Born busts Zoe Sharp and Laura Lippman for alleged "solicitation" in an insidious attempt to extort them into blurbing his latest novel.




Finally, Jim pulls the same stunt (which has become known as a "Sharp-Lippman") on Joe Wambaugh.



Because Jim travels heavily armed, I will have no more to say about him at this time. If you are dying for more information, you may try his website.

AND WHITHER JAMES GRIPPANDO?

Do not fear. Jim Grippando is not abandoning us. With rave reviews in his pocket and door-busting crowds in the stores, he's s currently touring with his new page-turner, "When Darkness Falls, and he's the featured thriller writer in February on the Barnes & Noble website. So, catch his blogs there. But come back here, because James will be posting in the nude whenever he has the chance.

HOMELAND INSECURITY

The A.P. reported last week:

"An elderly man who wrote in a letter to the editor about Saddam Hussein's execution that 'they hanged the wrong man' got a visit from Secret Service agents concerned he was threatening President Bush."

S.S. agents (Sorry, I mean, Secret Service agents) interrogated 81-year-old Dan Tilli of Bethlehem, PA, searched his apartment and took his photo. The agents then decided that Tilli posed no threat to President Bush and did not send the old codger to Guantanamo.

The story caught my eye, and not just because I was once married in a hotel in Bethlehem, PA, a story I will save for another time.

I was just wondering: What the hell's going on here?

Will the Secret Service interrogate me if I hit the President with an old Yiddish curse? Er zol vaksen vi a tsibeleh, mit dem kop in drerd! (He should grow like an onion, with his head in the ground!)

Note to Mr. Tilli. Do not wish ill health or misfortune upon President Bush. Under our Constitution, or what's left of it, he would be succeeded by Vice President Cheney. Unbeknownst to many, the President and Vice President occasionally hunt quail together. Here they are, from the V.P.'s point of view.


CARL HIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASEN ON CHENEY

For a pithy take on the “daffy disconnected mind” of Vice President Cheney, check out Carl Hiaasen’s excellent column"In Veep's World, We're Safer now than before Iraq" in Sunday’s Miami Herald.


MORE MIAMI: DAVE BARRY ON THE SUPER BOWL

For a wild and wacky welcome to Miami for Super Bowl visitors, check out Dave Barry’s
"Don't
Be Alarmed; Miami Isn't So Weird", also in Sunday's Herald. I should probably add that Dave's column was written before the City of Miami Commission proposed an "official celebration" with bands, food and t-shirts when Fidel Castro goes on to his just desserts, which I might add, will not be a great sugarcane field in the sky.

And for those of you who didn't realize it, Dave is running for President, a difficult task for someone who neither wears a suit nor spreads his cheeks in return for campaign donations. Because of the threat of assassination (or more likely, plagiarism), Dave never travels without a trio of Secret Service Agents. (Not the ones who rousted 81-year-old Dan Tilli of Bethlehem, PA).

In the dark glasses, flanking Dave, that's me in front, Scott Turow on the left, and Ridley Pearson on the right.



So far, no one's taken a shot at Dave...not even with a Key Lime Pie.


EDGAR, CORNELIA AND ME

Many thanks to everyone who e-mailed me with congrats on the Edgar Allen Poe nomination for "The Deep Blue Alibi." And my own huzzah-huzzah for Cornelia's nomination for "A Field of Darkness." Cornelia and I will have fun hanging out together and rubbing shoulders with the publishing pooh-bahs in New York. More later.

(Final note: If Poe were alive today, Special Agent Born would bust him for possession of opium with intent to distribute...unless old Edgar agreed to blurb him).

By Paul