The Pantzer Syndrome

By Patricia Smiley

As I mentioned in last Monday’s post, I recently signed books with Denise Hamilton and Susan McBride at Lee Booksellers in Lincoln, Nebraska. The three of us regaled the audience with our wit and wisdom and answered questions. Somebody asked if we outlined our books.

My dirty little secret was about to be exposed.

We looked at each other to see who would comment first. After a long pause, I finally confessed that I’d written several pithy outlines that could have been turned into brilliant novels by somebody, just not me. As it turned out, Susan and Denise don’t outline, either. Ms. McB calls us “pantzers,” which I believe is loosely defined as authors who write by the seat of their pants and without a parachute.

When I began writing, I listened to authors talk about their “process.” There seemed to be a sharp division between those who outlined and those who wrote “organically.” At the time, I didn’t know under which category I fell, but I made a faulty assumption that outliners were more organized and perhaps more serious writers. I wanted to be a serious writer, too. I thought about all those things-to-do lists I compulsively filled out each day and my hard-and-fast Wednesday-is-laundry-day rule and decided that I was an organized person. I must be an outliner.

Writing outlines is easy. Following them is hard.

Let’s face it. In writing as in life detours happen. Here’s a mundane example. Let’s say your character is going to Westwood Village to see a movie. From where she is, driving north on Westwood Boulevard is the most direct route. But what if Caltrans is still doing roadwork on Santa Monica Boulevard? Nobody in her right mind would go that way. She’d have to wait through at least five red lights. Your character is a reasonable person. She says no to the intersection of Santa Monica and Westwood Boulevards. Instead she races down Veteran like she’s running with the bulls of Pamplona. What now? She’ll get to the movie, but she’s totally screwed up your outline. You fume and think about adding a scene with a sniper and a Kalashnikov rifle.

The first time a character ruined a perfectly good outline, I rewrote the bloody thing, but it only happened again. How many times do you have to bang your head against the proverbial brick wall before you realize that it’s not for you?

Outlining is not for me.

Here’s what I know when I start a novel: who the victim is, how he/she was killed and by whom. I also have an idea where I want my subplots to go. Before I start writing I create detailed back-stories for all of my characters, so I know in advance if they like movies and under what circumstances they could be persuaded to see one. Once I've established that information, sketchy ideas for scenes begin to emerge. That’s it, folks. Then I start writing.

If any of you out there can actually write an outline and make it work, I’d like to know how you do it. Until then...

I remain a Pantzer.